The Cereal Killer and Other Bad Puns
by The Great Mikey Weston
Summary: /Small series of scenes featuring the Castle Bleck crew, all based off of puns.\ On a certain year, during a certain period of time, in an alternate dimension... this, like, totally really happened. Rated K plus. Written for reasons unknown at roughly 3 in the morning.


_I'm not sure why I'm doing this... I just suddenly had this insane idea and I rolled with it._

_This can take place... anytime. During SPM? Post SPM in which Luigi/Mr. L/Timpani/Blumiere/everyone else still hangs around Castle Bleck? I don't know, it's an alternate dimension, so it's your choice._

_Enjoy 8D_

* * *

It was morning in Castle Bleck, and Dimentio was eating breakfast. Unfortunately, he had been unable to make a Fried Egg like he had wanted (the lack of the only ingredient involved in said dish was rather... problematic), thus, he was eating cereal.

It was when he had seated himself at the dining table and had begun to eat when Mr. L walked in. At first he hardly took notice of the other and just continued to eat, choosing for the moment not to greet him. However, doing so became rather unavoidable when he realized Mr. L was just standing in the doorway and staring at him. He glanced over to him, though he didn't say anything.

"You shouldn't eat that, you know," Mr. L said. "I've poisoned it."

Dimentio raised an eyebrow at Mr. L.

"...Because you're a cereal killer?"

Mr. L formed a gun with his right hand, shot it at Dimentio, and proceeded to calmly moonwalk out of the room.

Equally calmly, Dimentio returned to his breakfast.

* * *

"Hey, Count?" Mimi spoke one day as she sat on the couch in the foyer with a clipboard and paper on her lap. She idly twiddled the colored pencil in her hand as she spoke. "I was wondering."

"Hm?" The Count sat in an armchair some distance from Mimi, though he didn't look up from his novel.

"Why are you a count?" Mimi asked curiously, as she put down her colored pencil and picked up a different one. "I mean... why not a prince or something?"

"Well, I wasn't always a count," Count Bleck answered. "As a matter of fact, before I was a count, I tried a number of other things. I even attempted to be a gold prospector, you know."

Mimi blinked, surprised. "Really? Why didn't you keep doing that?"

"Because the job didn't pan out," Count Bleck replied simply.

Mimi gave him a blank look.

"...It was a joke, Mimi. I was born a count, it's more a title than an occupation."

The pigtailed shapeshifter sighed. "Oh."

Neither of them looked up when Mr. L appeared through a doorway and moonwalked through the door across the room.

* * *

"Oh, look," Mr. L pointed out as he sat at the dining table, a newspaper spread out in front of him. "That Interdimensional Bathroom Burglar guy got caught two nights ago."

"Good, said Count Bleck. I was getting worried he might steal Mimi's imported perfume. I'm not sure why she insists on buying it, it smells terrible and it costs a fortune."

"How did they catch him, Mr. L?" Timpani asked curiously, as she set her cup of tea back on its saucer.

"Well, apparently he stood on a scale in the bathroom of a rich actress known as Madame Flurrie," Mr. L stated, poring over the article with interest.

"And?"

"And, well, long story short, he gave himself a weigh."

* * *

O'Chunks walked into a bar.

Dimentio pointed and laughed at him as he staggered backward and rubbed his bruised face, cursing.

* * *

It was roughly 1 in the morning when O'Chunks poked his head out of his room, squinting, the tip of his nightcap falling into his face. There was a most horrible noise in the castle, and though he had tried to sleep through it, it just seemed to be getting louder. Thus, he was looking to see if he could locate the source of the noise. Barely three seconds had passed when Mimi suddenly came skipping into the hallway in her fleece nightgown, singing at the top of her lungs.

"LA LA LA LA! I USED TO WONDER WHAT FRIENDSHIP COULD BE! LA LA! UNTIL YOU ALL SHARED ITS MAGIC WITH ME!"

"Er... Mimi," O'Chunks spoke, causing the small shapeshifter to stop in her tracks and (O'Chunks silently praised Grambi) stop singing as well. "Not that 'm complainin', lass, but... why're yeh singin' th' My Li'l Pony theme at this hour o' the night?"

Mimi giggled giddily and bounced on the spot, looking excited, like she had a grand secret to share. "I've given up Twilight!" she announced. "After I saw the last movie I felt like I was really, really unsatisfied with it, and then I realized it wasn't that I wanted more, it was that I really didn't like the way it ended! And after that I realized there were a _lot_ of things I didn't like about Twilight! So now I'm into a _waaaaaay_ different kind of "Twilight Sparkle"!"

And in a POOF of purple smoke, she had turned into the aforementioned unicorn, and bounced excitedly, an ecstatic grin on her face.

O'Chunks blinked, but brightened a moment later. "Tha's... tha's great news, Mimi!" Internally he was sobbing with relief that he would _never, ever_ have to sit through another Twilight movie ever again. "But, lassie, how long've yeh been at yeh're singin', then?"

Mimi-as-Twilight frowned thoughtfully and put a hoof to her chin, narrowing her large purple eyes slightly. "Huh... maybe... three, four hours? Give or take?"

The pajama-clad warrior looked slightly shocked. "But... but aren't yeh a li'l hoarse?"

Mimi gave O'Chunks a flat look. "O'Chunks!" she scolded. "I thought you were a BRONY! Little horse... gosh, you can't even get the name of the show right? I'll have to tell L about this, he'll be so ashamed of you!"

And Mimi tossed her mane and trotted off, huffing.

O'Chunks just looked to be at an utter loss as to what happened. Eventually, he withdrew his head from the crack in the door and shut the door, and finally walked back to his bed, deciding to get back to his previous activity. He was haunted by the confusion of what Mimi had meant and was unable to sleep for the rest of the night.

* * *

"Hey, jester."

"Yes, Green Thunder?"

"I got a bone to pick with you. You wear purple, yellow, and black on a daily basis, right?"

"Of course. I happen to like my color scheme."

"That's just it. Why doesn't my outfit pop like yours? I need something that really stands out. Y'know, so I stand out. I'm the Green Thunder, people have to notice me."

"I take it you've come to ask for my assistance?"

"Don't get used to it."

"I assure you, I won't. Hm... why not indigo?"

"Indigo? Huh, that's funny. I thought for sure you'd say orange or something."

"No, Mr. L. Orange will make you appear as garish as a neon sign on a casino owned by a clown who is afraid of the dark."

"...Come again?"

"It will make you look like you're wearing a Halloween costume."

"Oh. But, why indigo?"

"Why, Mr. L. Didn't you know? Indigo is the perfect color to wear on any occasion."

"What? Why?"

"Because indigoes with every color, of course. Ah ha ha~"

* * *

"Nassy!" Mimi cried as she ran into the kitchen, pigtails a terrible mess and eyes wide. "Nassy, help!"

Nastasia turned from her careful crafting of a perfect salad (she being a perfectionist, of course). "Hm? ...What's wrong, Mimi?" she asked, quirking a brow at the green shapeshifter as she stopped in front of her, panting.

"Call a plastic surgeon!" Mimi wailed in response. "Hurry!"

Nastasia blinked. "A... a plastic surgeon?" she asked. "Yeah, um, Mimi... I don't think you're old enough for-"

"This isn't about me!" Mimi shouted. "It's about Samantha!"

To say Nastasia was bemused was an understatement. "S... Samantha?"

Mimi held up a Barbie doll in one hand and a leg clearly belonging to the Barbie in the other. "Her leg was cut off!" she sobbed. "Just call one, quick!"

* * *

It was a quiet afternoon in Castle Bleck when Count Bleck sighed, sitting at a table in the castle library. A large sheet of poster paper sat on the surface in front of him. He was sad to say he didn't understand any of it- he had never been good at math.

"Ah ha ha~ Something is troubling you, isn't it, Count Bleck?" Dimentio drifted lazily by, floating on his back with one leg crossed over the other and his hands behind his head.

"Oh, hello, Dimentio, Count Bleck answered briskly," the Count muttered as he scribbled something down on a scrap sheet of lined paper that lay atop the poster paper. "What brings you to the library?"

"Just searching for our mutual friend, Mr. L. His escapade with the castle cereal caused me to have horrendous indigestion, you see, and I dearly wish to repay him for it," Dimentio answered simply, a cold smirk on his face. "What seems to be the matter with you?"

The Count sighed. "Perhaps you can understand this, Dimentio. Recently Nastasia has noted we have no evacuation plan should something happen to the castle, such as an uncontrollable fire or something of the sort. So she has suggested we open up a small dimension for us all to meet up in."

"That sounds rather simple," Dimentio pointed out.

"It is, agreed Count Bleck... if it weren't for all the equations involved in order to make sure this dimension doesn't cave in on itself because of our combined weight," Count Bleck explained heavily. "The area of space in which we're opening up the dimension may be easily accessible, but it's also very fragile."

Dimentio peered at the poster himself and narrowed his eyes. "Hmm, that is problematic. Ah, at times like this I wish an old companion of mine was here."

"Companion?"

"Yes," Dimentio stated. "A mathematician. He sunbathed in his spare time, and was fond of crafting enormous sculptures out of anything he could get his hands on. Every inch was very well calculated; sadly, they appeared to be senseless heaps of junk to anyone but himself. A brilliant mind, but quite insane."

"He sounds... interesting, Count Bleck mused. Did he look the part of a sculptor, or was he more along the lines of an insane man?" the Count queried.

"Neither, to be honest," Dimentio answered. "Though he was, how do I put this... a very tan gent."

Mr. L suddenly moonwalked through the double doors of the library. Dimentio swooped over to him at once, and due to Mr. L not looking where he was going, tripped him, causing the other to fall flat on his back with an 'oof!' He peered up at Dimentio, wincing as he sat up somewhat.

"Your moonwalking days are over, Green Thunder," Dimentio said darkly, a wicked smile spreading across his features.

Mr. L gulped.


End file.
